When I first got out of bed this past Sunday morning, I was
excited. I had missed church the
previous two weeks, and I was eager to return.
Over the past couple of years, most sermons have either confirmed some
spiritual musing I had during the week or given me a renewed calling to step up
my spiritual life. This Sunday, though,
took things to a completely different level – one that I haven’t experienced in
a long time, if at all.
(Quick side note: I realize that not all of my readers have
heard the sermon I am about to reference.
Since I prefer to keep everyone on the same page as much as possible, I am placing a link here
so you can hear it for yourself. The most recent sermon appears first, so just
click on the one from 03/09/2014.)
A message based on having a “living faith” was enough to get
me asking serious questions about myself.
Do I have a living faith? Is
there indisputable evidence of it? Am I
genuinely committed to God, or am I fooling everyone, including myself? And most of all, where do I start searching
for answers? Throughout the sermon, I
was looking for something that would put my troubled mind at ease. By the time the service was over, all I knew
was that I needed to take a closer look at my life. It wasn’t the most comforting answer, but it
was the best I could come up with, and I decided it would be good enough until
I could do some more serious searching. So,
over the next 12-plus hours, I evaluated everything I could think of and eventually
found an answer that satisfied me for the time being. Little did I know that I was about to
encounter something even more challenging.
Having been raised in a Christian home, I understand
Christian beliefs rather well. Still,
every now and then, I have doubts. They
typically don’t last very long or cause too much concern. These doubts usually are centered on one or
two specific beliefs, which I am able to address quickly (there is a library
full of Christian books in our house), and then I can move on. However, on Monday night, it seemed as though
every doubt I ever had came flooding back and hit me at once. Not only did it stir up issues from long ago,
but it also brought back my questions from Sunday. I felt lost and absolutely miserable. Finally, after losing about an hour of sleep
and desperately seeking God for help, I was able to relax, having in mind a
plan to address everything the next day.
One of the books I have is God’s Outrageous Claims,
written by Lee Strobel. I remember
seeing it in a bookstore, being drawn to it, and putting it on my Christmas
list sometime around the year 2000. Curiously,
I didn’t start reading the book until about two weeks ago, when I was looking
around and noticed, well, that book has
been sitting there for over ten years. I
think it’s about time I start reading it and see if it was what I hoped it
would be. After the first chapter, I
realized that it is a pretty good read.
The only reason I haven’t gone through much more of it since then is
because I have a couple of other books I am also keeping up with. But on Monday night, that one came to
mind. In fact, I remembered the specific
chapter title that convinced me to ask for the book in the first place:
“Outrageous Claim #7: A Dose of Doubt May Strengthen Your Faith.” When I first saw that so many years ago, I
was struggling with doubts. Now, I
needed to read that very chapter more than ever. Interesting how that works, isn’t it?
It didn’t take long for me to find something I could
identify with. In the first paragraph,
the author (a former journalist who became a pastor) shared a letter he got
from a member of his congregation: “I would like
to feel confident, I wish I
didn’t have doubts, but I have more questions than answers. Now I’m beginning to doubt whether I’m a
Christian at all.” Immediately I
thought, whoa. This is definitely what I needed to see. I’m glad I’m not alone. He went on to list several doubts that
Christians commonly have, all of which had come to my mind. Perhaps the most comforting piece of
information was what he wrote shortly thereafter in quoting from In Two
Minds by Os Guinness: “Doubt comes from a word meaning ‘two.’ To believe is to be ‘in one mind’ about
accepting something as true; to disbelieve is to be ‘in one mind’ about rejecting
it. To doubt is to waver between the
two, to believe and disbelieve at once and so to be ‘in two minds.’” He used this to distinguish the difference
between doubt and unbelief, which helped me to understand and confirm that it
is possible to have a strong faith while still having the occasional
doubts. In fact, Strobel goes on to
compare having doubt to getting an immunization; in the same way that a small
dose of a virus is injected so that a person can fight it off and be better
prepared for it the next time, so doubt can be overcome and serve as good
preparation for the future.
After reading through the chapter (which included several
actions to take going forward), I realized that having doubt isn’t really as
bad or scary as it once seemed. Everything
I have heard and read this week has come together to restore my faith to what
is was before, and perhaps I will come to find out that this short stretch of
uncertainty has made my faith even stronger.
I now have more confidence than ever that God works through tough
situations to build us up. Now, I’m just
curious to find out what is in store for the coming Sundays.
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